How to say NO to Make Room for Yes!

If we’re not careful, life can get too full of “okay,” to be rich with welcome. 

Before we know it, our calendar is covered in dates and commitments, our home is full of things that must be kept up, cleaned, or repaired, and our heads and hearts are too full of clutter to be free to build meaningful relationships rich in grace.   If we want to be people who welcome others into our hearts, who welcome God to move in and make us all He has designed up to be, we need to learn how to say no, to make room for YES! 

But saying no can be hard, because especially in an era when all the things are broadcast in words and photos, soon we begin to believe we need to have this, go there, and do that, because she did, and she tweeted/instagrammed/facebooked it!  And the word “no” has a negative connotation for many, so it takes all our energy for some to utter this little two-letter word.  But if we can say no to the things that don’t really bring joy, grow us or those we love, or invest eternally, we find we have space to say YES to people and places and even things, that deserve our heart and our effort.  Productivity guru Michael Hyatt phrases it “finding the positive in the negative,” and reminds us that when we say yes to things that aren’t important, we won’t be able to say YES to the things that really matter.  

So how do we say no to make room for yes?!

If saying no is important, there are a few areas we can intentionally make space, leaving room in our lives for the things that are eternally important (like, ahem, loving people as God loves them).  

First we can say “no” in the areas of our physical bodies.

Short periods of fasting on programs like Whole 30 or The Daniel Fast can give us opportunity to identify what foods feel good for us, give us energy, and maximize how we feel, which leads to maximizing how we can invest in what, and who, really matters to us.  (I shared some thoughts on my Whole 30 journey that might encourage you!)  I’ve often struggled, when tempted to eat something that wasn’t good for me, or skip something that is, with the thoughts, “I deserve this!”  The problem is, often that temporary feel-good isn’t really good for us, and it leads to more negative choices.  If, instead, we can reverse our thinking to “I do deserve to feel good, to be strong, to invest in this body that’s a gift,” it can help us make long-term choices that really are good for us.

Second, we can say “no” spiritually.”

Ugh – do you ever feel like your thoughts get the better of you?  Do you find yourself dwelling on the negative, the frustrating, the fear-inducing?  Someone close to me struggled with this for years, and it was excruciating to watch.  Today, I find that if I’m not careful, my imagination can run away with me in a given situation.  If a relationship struggles, I imagine the worst that can happen.  If a conversation goes awry, I may replay it over and over to analyze what I could’ve done differently.

We can also say “no” in relationships, in ways that ultimately create strength and leave room for grace.

It’s ok to have boundaries when it comes to time and relationships (there’s a whole book and movement on this concept, right?).  It’s not just ok, in fact, it’s necessary to protect ourselves and those relationships.  Try setting specific times in the week that you’ll have available for gatherings, meetups, and connecting, whether they’re planned or impromptu, in a group or with one friend who needs your ear and heart (or whose ear you need!).  That way when you plan to connect with someone, you can say, “I try to keep Tuesday afternoons open,” and you’re less likely to over-commit.  Block off regular time for a good friend, spouse, or kiddos, to protect that investment when you’re adding activity to your days.  And if a particular relationship is draining, it’s also ok to limit time spent so you are able to recharge.

It’s ok to say “no” sometimes to our own right to comfort in order to invest in meaningful relationship.  What I mean by that is at times, it isn’t convenient to be available on the spot, but it’s the thing that’s most needed.  Sometimes, it’s outside our comfort zone to say hi to someone new, or to initiate a deeper level of communication.  But in this case, it’s ok to say “no” to our own fears or temporary comfort, for the good of someone else.

Finally, we can say “no” to create space in our homes, our calendar, and our time, to commit mental and emotional energy to what matters most.

Ultimately, learning how to say no to make room for yes takes practice.  But when we define our “why,” and we work on developing that muscle, we open the door to commit our time, our energy, and our hearts to the things that matter eternally.

What do you need to say “no” to, in order to make room for YES?!